Today, I feel like that wave of heat

I have plenty to write about, but I feel a lot of it is either totally boring or too messy. Today, I’m going to share some of the lines from my online chat history. There’s no story here, just abstract lines.

  • What do they say ... if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
  • I’ll take the bus to wind tunnel road. You can pick me up from there.
  • Morning sweetheart.
  • India is shining. But all that glitters is not gold.
  • Don’t blame yourself. Find somebody or something else to blame or share the blame. My decisions and choices are not all mine. My mind is not all mine. People and things around me influence and affect my thinking all the time, sometimes momentarily, sometimes permanently. And those influences are sometimes to blame. And I cannot block out those influences. Then life would be like a telephone wire. Chattering goes about all the time. But the wire remains a wire. A strip of copper. Dead. I will brood, I will regret, I will sulk, I will reminisce, I will blame others.
  • What’s troubling you?
  • If you hold your breath long enough, you'll experience hypoxia, I call it - the next best thing to madness. You can still think. Whatever you think, you will feel it's all ok, you won't have a choice.
  • I have a kind of morning sickness. No. I’m not pregnant.
  • Why am I like ... when I think of somebody I care for ... I forget my own troubles. Even if that's for a few moments.
  • People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.
  • I checked her kundli. She has only 1 small window of 2 months in 2011. If she doesn’t marry then, it’s never.
  • We have to make compromises and adjustments. But we CAN choose when, where, and with whom.
  • Sometimes I feel like I want to wail, then I suddenly realize that I’m not able to.
  • Lots of hugs and kisses and blessings. And know that you are loved a lot.
  • My internet connection is all f****d up today. Comes and goes and comes and goes.
  • I slept after the last call 2 u. Woke up at 6. Lazed around. Felt like it, so went to the clinic and gave blood for testing, went to McDonalds for breakfast. Got to office at 12. So far nobody has come to me. Got 7 calls on the phone between 10 and 12, didn’t answer any. I’m such an ass.
  • I need to get drunk... only then will this feeling go.
  • I want to see the expression on her face. I have a feeling she is probably expecting it. When I meet her next, I tell her. If she is not interested in a fling, then … Whatever ya. I’m so f*****g confused.
  • Waiting for something big to happen. Something really really big. Something that will blow my mind away, or make it numb, either ways. Something explosive. something...
  • Right now I wish my head felt numb.
  • I’m pretty tired and in no mood for polite conversation with people who I don’t know!
  • Somewhere I want to, actually, wanted to, fall in love, again.
  • The last one is not something I will talk about just now. I'm not very proud of myself about it. It is .... somewhat ... scandalous.
  • There was a time I was hiding from the world, so I said I was meditating. Most people buy it.
  • I’m working in a garment factory. Software consultant - got a contract for 3 months. 2 weeks left.
  • Good Good. Treat yourself well. And keep smiling.

The waves of heat that blow over the surface of a desert
It's there, it's for everyone.
It's untouchable, it's for no one.
It's dense, it's intense, it's impenetrable.
It's fragile, delicate, about to disappear.
It's alive, it plays, it's asleep, it drools.
It's calm, it's mad, it laughs, and cries.
It changes in a blink, and again back to it.
It hides things that exist, shows things that aren't.
It is not the mirage.
The mirage is in you, you live a mirage.
Today, I feel like that wave of heat.

Mayur Poddar

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