I Want To Break Free

I want to break free. Free in the mind and free in the heart. It’s difficult to explain, this freedom. There are so many facets to it, larger ones like society, relationships, education, occupation, religion, politics, parenting, upbringing, and smaller personal ones like how you dress, what you drive, and where you live. The one that I think about en masse is the role of society in my life, and vice versa. Am I really one of the countless threads that make up the ostensible picturesque fabric of society? If I am, then in at least half the situations that bring this society face to face with me, I am completely out of place. I will either feel out of place or be made aware so, and then I will act and react accordingly. And though that does not bother me, it creates an ugly ripple effect on those around me, and also quite obviously, on society. I just groan about and grapple with society and it’s infatuation with unrelenting multitudes of rules and regulations (and also directives).

For several months now, each time I wanted to write an article, my mind was flooded with the same thoughts over and over: job, finances, aviation, health, friends, parents, life. The mind advertently bends towards philosophy or romance, and I wrote something completely senseless, and ended up sticking a one liner on facebook. And once in a blue moon, the energy level will attempt to conquer Mt. Everest, and such rare escapades will result in a poem.

It’s all very different to me. There was a time when I tried so hard to read and understand poems, even the ones she wrote for me, but they just didn’t permeate my thick skull. I didn’t even appreciate the fact that she wrote poems for me. Yes, I feel stupid about that. Yeats and Tagore and Shakespeare actually make sense now. I at times wake up remembering a dream or recollecting an incident from the previous day, and pen down a sweet nothing. Everybody is looking so beautiful today. I slow down to glance at the leaves and smell the flowers. I feel at peace although there is so much insecurity and vagueness in my life. It’s all very different to me.

My closest friends give me tremendous support and are my quiet inspiration. They are like my energy stations. I can recharge anytime by making a phone call. I’ve found some amazing new friends in the past year, and strengthened older ones, and but for all of them, I wouldn’t have been sane enough to write this today. Cheers to all of you. Wish you all a great year ahead.

Mayur Poddar

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